Mycroft's Eating Disorder
by elfmaiden4legs
Summary: When Mycroft went away to university he came back a changed man. This is the story of his eating disorder through the eyes of a young Sherlock, and then John Watson 20 years later.


Mycroft, are you alright? You went away so suddenly and I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. I came home from school and mummy said that you'd gone. She said that you've gone away to school, to somewhere called a 'university'. I hope you come back to see us soon. The house is so quiet, and I am so lonely without you.

Mycroft, are you alright? I thought I'd have heard from you by now. Mummy had to have Redbeard put to sleep. He was so poorly and the vet said that he wasn't ever going to get better. I'm so lonely without him, and I miss you. I hope you come back home soon.

Mycroft, are you alright? The holidays came and went, and you didn't come home. It snowed. Mummy laid your place at the table and daddy had two helpings of Christmas dinner because she cooked too much. I haven't seen you in such a very long time now.

Mycroft, are you alright? I saw mummy crying after she finished talking to you on the phone tonight. Daddy held her in his arms and when I asked if I could talk to you too they said that you were too busy. Please just give me a sign that you're ok.

Mycroft, are you alright? I've suddenly realised that I haven't seen you in such a very long time. It feels as though I turned around one day and when I turned back you were gone. I keep looking for signs that you've been home. I came home from school the other day and your coat was hanging up in the hallway. I searched the whole house for you but you weren't there. Where have you gone?

Mycroft, are you alright? Mummy and daddy keep acting very strangely. I can't help but feel as though there must be something wrong. Why won't they tell me what is happening?

Mycroft, are you alright? You came home today for the first time in a year. You looked so thin. I wanted to hug you but you seemed so fragile, and when you looked at me your gaze was so cold and distant. You've come home, but you're not the brother I remember. It's as though the big brother I once knew has disappeared. I hope he comes back soon, because I'm not sure I like this strange version who's taken his place.

Mycroft, are you alright? You're beginning to scare me now. You were only here for a couple of days before you went away again. You looked so sick. Mummy says that you're not well, but daddy says that there's nothing more we can do. We just have to give you more time, whatever that means.

Mycroft, are you alright? I hope you're sleeping alright. I hope wherever you are you're not alone, and that you have someone to look after you, like you used to do for me when I was poorly. I hope you have friends to look out for you, and that they won't let you dwell for too long on whatever's wrong. I hope you have someone to hug you when you need one, and to kiss you, just like I would do if you were here. If you were here… but you're not…

Mycroft, are you alright? I wish you would tell me what's been bothering you.

Mycroft, are you alright? Another year has come and gone, and you still haven't come home. Mummy and daddy still seem so worried. Last time they came to visit you I asked if I could come too, but they said no. They left me with nanny instead. I wish I knew what was going on. I wish I knew why you don't want to see me anymore.

Mycroft, are you alright? I was surprised to receive the first letter I've had from you since you went away today. I read every word of it but you seemed to say so much without saying anything at all. Is there something you're trying to tell me? I used to feel as though I knew you so well, but I don't feel as though I know you at all anymore.

Mycroft, are you alright? Daddy's been saying that it's time we let you spread your wings and fly. He says that that's the only way that you're going to get any better now. I wish I knew what he meant by that. Mummy cried again, but she too said that there's nothing more we can do. Mycroft, please come home. I miss you.

Mycroft, are you alright? I wish there was something I could do to help.

Mycroft, are you alright? It's been years now, and I still miss you, but I'm not going to put myself through this anymore. I need to hear from you, but I need to get on with my own life now even more. I got into University. I'm going to study chemistry. Mummy and daddy were so proud, but they also seemed somewhat uneasy for some reason. I wish I knew why. I also wish you could have been here with us, but I've promised myself that I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I've come to the conclusion that you have your life, and I have mine.

Mycroft, are you alright? I wish you well brother. I hope you're feeling better these days, and I hope you're alright, I really do, but I don't seem to miss you so much these days. Tomorrow I leave for Cambridge, marking the start of the rest of my life, and I wish you all the luck with yours.

 **20 YEARS LATER**

John had never noticed it before, he'd never paid much attention to Sherlock's older brother in order for it to appear relevant. Mycroft had always kept his distance, including from his own little brother, and John had suspected that this was probably some sort of coping mechanism. Both Holmes brothers seemed to operate under the illusion that loneliness protected them, but Mycroft had always appeared so much colder, his heart so much harder and his actions even more calculated than Sherlock's. Sherlock was often hard to read, but Mycroft was almost impossible, leaving John to suspect that perhaps there was something more to the man's icy persona than initially appeared to meet the eye. The only thing John knew about the man for certain was that he always seemed to be on some sort of diet, which given the fact that he wasn't a big man had always baffled the doctor.

Both brothers were tall, and naturally lean, and blessed with a physique which meant that it was unlikely that either of them would ever be in danger of putting on much weight.

But then he had seen it, the pain in the older man's eyes as Mycroft had starred down at the breakfast table one morning and his gaze had come to settle upon Sherlock's own barely touched plate of toast. There was fear, and disgust, and loathing within his stoic expression, mingled in with a strange sense of longing. Mycroft was evidently hungry, but doing his best to ignore the lure of food, and using his own powers of deduction and the evidence of his own experience as a doctor John deduced that this could only mean one thing.

Mycroft was afraid – afraid of food.

Sherlock had left to get dressed for the day, and whilst he was gone John used the time alone with Mycroft to broach the subject with the eldest Holmes brother – not really expecting much of an answer, and more surprised when he got one.

"Tell me Mycroft," He enquired casually as he took another bite of his toast and jam and turned the page in his newspaper without even looking the other man in the eye, "how long has it been?"

Mycroft looked at the back of John's head and frowned, the doctor could feel the man's cold eyes boring into him even without turning around to face him.

"How long has it been since what?" Mycroft asked defensively.

"Since you last had a decent meal?" John asked. He could feel the atmosphere in the room building as he said it – becoming instantly more fraught – and Mycroft stiffened as the doctor's meaning dawned on him.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about John." Mycroft feigned ignorance, as the doctor now turned to face him, but despite his evident discomfort he refused to avert his eyes from John's. They bore into his – calculating, cold and hard like stone.

"I may not be Sherlock Holmes." John explained, undaunted. "But I am a doctor. Sherlock talks all the time about some new diet you're trying. He seems to think its funny, but I know its not. I saw the longing way you looked at his plate just then. You're body needs food."

Mycroft didn't respond – he didn't need to, his silence said it all – and now he finally did avert John's searching gaze. At that moment his phone began to ring, giving him the perfect excuse to escape from his interrogator, and he hurried from the room.

But it was already too late – John had observed the pain in Mycroft's eyes as he'd watched the man go. Yes, he thought, there was certainly more too the Holmes brothers than initially appeared to meet the eye, and this led him to wondering just what could have possibly happened in both men's childhood which could have damaged them as greatly as they had both been.

John didn't press the issue with Mycroft any further after that. Their next meeting was awkward and uncomfortable for both involved, but after a while the two men settled back into the normal way of things – at least what could be considered normal for the two of them. John kept a close eye on Mycroft after that however. He doubted that the distant demeanour of the eldest Holmes brother would ever allow him to give himself up to the doctor completely, but even so John wanted to be there if he ever did.


End file.
